If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
