dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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