in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
