well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
