saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
it glows. i had to have it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
