had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
