Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
