I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
