I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
