my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
