hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
