Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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