I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
