hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
