I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
