South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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