I love black thongs
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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