oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
