dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i love accidental penises.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
