Say something about gay babies.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
