I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
