you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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