you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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