she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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