doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
