i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he fucked my hip out of place.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
