I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
