You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
