i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
