and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
