I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
