He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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