Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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