remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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