Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
