did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
