i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
