You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
