I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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