Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
