we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
