you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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