chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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