i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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