trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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