I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
