i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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