Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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