I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
