I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
