In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
