I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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