Sponge bath it is.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
