She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just forgot I was standing up.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
